I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
