even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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