Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dignity is for republicans.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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