nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
