Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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