I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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