I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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