Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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