I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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