Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
