Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
