Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
