It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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