Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
