dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so that wasnt chicken after all
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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