we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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