yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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