the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
