Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
