I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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