Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
