I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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