my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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