is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I supernannyed him into submission
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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