I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
