i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
two words...techno handjob
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
