to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh god it's open bar.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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