Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
