i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
