Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
