I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
