i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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