I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
