So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Pooping to opera.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
