Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
