He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
