Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both

(650): View more from California

i think otters can do that

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants

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(503): View more from Oregon

can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?

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(336): View more from North Carolina

There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel

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(310): View more from California

do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP

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(850): View more from Florida

So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......

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(440): View more from Ohio

I just snorted sandwich everywhere.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I hope it smells nice :)

(440): View more from Ohio

IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.

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