what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize