i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
