Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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