I wish i was in the wii world.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
