You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
