Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
