I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
