So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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