Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
