i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
