So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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