I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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