What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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