my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
