We won't sleep together?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
