I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
