There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
