Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
