hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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