I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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