I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
