UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
