I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
