She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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