you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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