i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
