this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
