Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
